Well, Folks, it was another thrilling Petting Pantry complete with all kinds of exciting acts as well as treachery and murderous rage!
Odious Ari
Our host, Jason Savvy, pulled a fast one on the crowd by “misunderstanding” that when we asked him to host a 20s-inspired Vaudeville show, we weren’t talking about the 2020s, but 1920s. So he showed up in a fire-retardant flak jacket, goggles, and hard hat — predicting that the future would be all about safety. Nicely done, Savvy.
I enjoyed the acts as much as I can enjoy anything. At my age joy is not something I can really experience anymore. Not being annoyed is about as close to joy as I can get. Anyway, we had fancy dancing by Tori Adorable and Prix de Beauté. OK, I’ll admit I enjoyed those. Those are some fine dancers and pretty ladies. Then there was another kinda dance by Queenie Jean and June July. They was dressed up like a horse and a rabbit. They looked rich. I wasn’t sure if I tried to rob them they would give me rabies or not. Then there was some fine music by the Four Seasons of the Cobra Lilies. What beautiful music those ladies make! Oh! And what a great act by Jen Jen the Burlesque Blockhead Bombshell! She put a nail up her nose and then hung a picture with it! A real Vaudeville act! Then there was some fortune telling and ukulele playing by Madame Pamita. I got a lot to learn from that one. Somehow she swindled money out of ME! Now that’s something, folks. There was also some music by that understaffed band, Two-Bit Opera. Then Miss Puddles did her “magic act” at the expense of Little Odious. My poor son. He’s in a intensive care right now at the Cedars-Sinai Puppet Hospital. He’ll pull through, though. He’s tough, like me.
Well Folks, I hope you enjoyed the show, that is if you’re not like me and you have the ability to experience joy. As for me, I’m going to take a nap. I may have drank a little too much gin and ate one too many delicious hot dogs from the Frankenstand. That show wore me out.
Hello? Is this thing woikin? I had to break into Odious’ inbox ta see if he was writin’ any of them boilesque dancehs. I guess not…does that make me look psycho? Course not! I’m just a lady.
The Capable Miss Puddles
Folks, I’m lettin’ ya know that I’m gonna make headway this Saturday with my five year plan…that’s right, I’m in my fifth year of swindlin’ Odious and if I don’t see the numbahs this Saturday, I’m gonna sell, sell, sell.
Oh, wait a minute! I’m auditioning for new millionaire, 90 year old magicians. If you got the stuff and got the cash, you could be the next gentlemen to make me disappear in a tank of water…pad locked while I’m handcuffed! Doesn’t that sound fun?
Alright, I’m takin’ applications below: must include routing numbah and social security numbah.
Muah,
Miss Puddles
Hi Folks,
Odious Ari
AOA here again. Well, Miss Puddles and I are woiking feverishly on our act. Either that, or the pestilence in our apartment has finally given us the black plague and we’re starting to become symptomatic.
But really, I’ve got a big surprise for you, Folks! I can’t wait to show you at the next Petting Pantry. I’m pretty sure you’re all gonna wanna hire me for your own…OK, I can’t say no more or I’m gonna spoil it.
Just be sure to come to the show this Saturday so’s you can see it!
Back to woik now.
-AOA
Odious Ari
Hi Folks! It’s Odious Ari here. Miss Puddles and I were out busking and flyering at the LA Art Walk last night. If we saw you, it was probably nice seeing you. Unless you were that guy barking. If that was you, I wanted to slug you. Or if you were that terrible clown that tried to dance with us. We had to stop playing in order to get you to leave us alone. Take a hint, buddy.
Anyway, we got out a lot of flyers and made a little money to put into our Petting Pantry Pot which is supposed to go toward the show’s production, but will probably end up in Miss Puddles’ coffers. That is until — poof it’s gone — and she turns into some sort of bauble or other.
We got a lot to do before the show. Miss Puddles is woiking like a dog — a show dog, of course — to get everything done. I’m mostly napping. At my age, that’s the only thing that really helps anybody ’cause then I’m less cranky when I’m awake.
To all of you who helped us out last night — and especially to our new host, Mr. Jason Savvy, and our dear friend, Roxanne — thanks very much. We hope to put on a great show next week so don’t miss it, see?
That’s all for now. This is Odious Ari signing out. How do I hang this thing up?
PS: Enjoy the Victorian Christmas theme.
